Well. We have two placements now. The 11-year-old boy and a 5-month old girl. It’s been a roller coaster. No, it’s been a freaking tornado. And it has pretty much ripped apart our lives and our apartment.
I’m being dramatic. But it’s been a huge change. HUGE.
A little over two months ago we were a couple of 20-somethings going about our lives, spending too much time on the internet, and eating way too much chinese food.
Now we’re a couple of 20-something moms who have no more time for the internet or anything else not pertaining to kids, who still eat too much chinese food, and who should really invest in a mini van.
And I have not handled this change very well. I’m very open about my life and my struggle with mental illness. And it won’t stop just because I’m a parent now.
This has been the biggest change of my life. Way bigger than moving an hour away from my friends and family and switching jobs all within the same week. Even bigger. It’s safe to say I haven’t handled it well.
I have cried so much more than I thought possible. I have felt more depressed than I ever wanna feel again. I have been the least in control in my entire life. And control is something I like, and do well at.
But I also have had some of the happiest moments. And have been very proud of the accomplishments we have helped these two kids achieve. And have shared some wonderful skills (i.e.: cooking) with a kid who has probably never touched a pan in his entire life.
And one other thing this has helped me with: getting myself some help. I have sought out therapy. I have vowed to face my demons and my past. I have made a commitment to myself to get better, to stop wallowing in self-pity, to learn self love, and to find coping skills.
This roller coaster is more than I ever imagined. And more than I can handle more days than not. But I’m kind of enjoying the ride. Well, the ups. The downs can kiss my lovely ass.
Sitting down to write this, I have so many thoughts running through my head. It wasn’t as smooth a transition as I’d hoped for, but as a first time foster parent, I guess I really didn’t know what was coming. The system is very broken, that’s for sure.
We had “Dragon” in our care for almost four days before we had any information regarding his health insurance, or our family resource worker’s name, or knowing a schedule for his visits. Not to mention, we still don’t know when visits will be, what will be going on at them, or anything related to therapy. Ugh. But, we just keep calling the social worker and asking. I’ve always been worried about bugging people, but that’s their tough luck in this situation.
Let me take you day by day…
Tuesday: Dragon came into our care. We met him two times before that, once for 20 minutes, once for about 3 hours. He came with all his stuff (he had quite a bit!), and his meds. No information. A quick “hi, hello” from his social worker. It was a bit of a rough night. Kait had him all day. They bonded over Legos. We had pizza for dinner. He was still incredibly guarded, as expected.
Wednesday: I had a bad day at work. I’m really bad at not taking work frustrations home with me – it’s something I’m working on. I may or may not have had close to a total breakdown when I got home. The transition is tough. Like, really tough. Anyway, Kait spent the day with him again. They did puzzles and played Legos. We made homemade chicken nuggets for dinner. He refused to eat. He at all his tater tots but would not even touch the chicken nugget. It really was just the topper to my day.
Thursday: I had an epiphany at work – let the kid do the meal planning. I told Kait my idea and she thought it sounded pretty good. They made categorized cards of foods that he likes and will eat.
Friday: Kinda uneventful. I started feeling better about things. We got more information. We still have no answer on a voucher for after school care (UGH!). But we know his health insurance info.
Saturday: We spent the day out and about – got him some new clothes, took him grocery shopping for some foods he’ll eat. He chose dinner using his food cards – turkey, mashed potatoes, and watermelon. There’s surprisingly more foods that he likes than we thought! Though, he likes one veggie -corn. So, for now, Kait and I agreed that it’s acceptable to have a fruit with dinner. This way, he’ll he getting something fresh in a meal plan that is a little processed foods heavy. Also – he is really resistant to foods when they look different from what he remembers. We tried to buy some turkey breast cutlets but he thinks of turkey like a Thanksgiving turkey – a whole bird. We bought a whole chicken – he thought it was turkey – and he loved it. Win, win.
Sunday (today): We had a pretty good day. We finished our meal planning board and hung it in the kitchen. He was excited to be able to plan out the meals for the week. He told us he likes being able to see what he’ll be eating for the whole week. Towards the end of the day, I started to feel a little down. Not as severe as Wednesday – thank god. It’s tough having a little person just cling to you all day long. It’s exhausting to have to entertain someone all day. We’ll teach him how to play on him own and entertain himself without the aid of an electronic device. But it’s a slow process.
While this is the most exhausting adventure I have ever taken on, it’s also so rewarding. We knew he was getting comfortable when he decided to stop wearing his shoes in the house. We’ve seen him go from very reserved, to very talkative in less than a week. He offers to help with dishes and even helps himself to getting utensils as needed. These sound so small but feel so monumental in my book.
I need to remember to take time for myself. And time for Kait and I. We need to make time for each other or the system will wear us out. But I’m looking forward to the challenge.
Side note: my domain is up the middle of March. I will be changing the name of this blog and rebranding a little bit. But I’ll still be on this platform, still keeping all my older posts.
Happy Valentine’s Day! So far, ours has been pretty low-key.
We got a call from the social worker last week about the transition plan for our first placement. Currently, he is residing in a group home. The plan is looking to reunify him with Mom this summer.
For his transition plan, we went and met him at his current residence yesterday morning. Then, we picked him up this morning and he hung out at our house for a couple hours. He’ll move in on Tuesday.
First, I was (and still kind of am) completely terrified of this whole process. I’m ready, don’t get me wrong. I am so ready. But I’ve got lots of thoughts running through my head. Like, Kait and I are gonna be moms virtually overnight. They’re trusting us to do a good job parenting this little man with no prior parenting experience. It’s not that I don’t think we can do it (we’re both the oldest in our families – we’ve got plenty older sibling parenting experience), but it’s a terrifying thought! All the sudden, boom, we’re mothers. I’m sure all expecting mothers have had this same thought.
So, we met him yesterday. He is beyond adorable. We got a sense of what he likes and decided to finish up some shopping. We picked out a bed set and even got an Xbox. It’s like we’re coming into the world of the living. I didn’t know we wanted a video game system until we had one! Ha!
Did I mention our placement is a 10-year-old, soon-to-be-11-year-old, boy!? Exciting, so exciting.
This week feels like a good week for a transition because both him and Kait are on school vacation. So, he’ll have some days to get settled in, as well as us having some days before chaos ensues. I feel like there’s so many things to get in place and I don’t even know where to start! And, with this being our first placement, I don’t know what to expect for information I’m going to get from the social worker. I know she’ll give us as much as she knows, but the not knowing is still tough for me.
Hopefully I can e-mail his teacher this week and introduce us. He won’t be switch schools, so that’s nice for everyone. We do need to think about after school care though. We both work full time, until at least 4pm, and school ends at 2:55pm for him. Ugh, how inconvenient for parents.
Well, I am rambling now. I just have so many thoughts running around my head. My thoughts feel like a tangled ball of yarn in my head – and I have no idea what piece to pull to start untangling.
On the domain name.. still no idea on what I’m doing. I think I’m going to let this name expire and then rebrand. I want to have my own site and not stay on a wordpress host, but I’m a little lost on how to go about that. (And I have a background in IT – shoot me, ha.)
I’ve been toying with the idea of starting a new blog. A lifestyle blog. Where I talk (mostly) about being a foster parent.
But after scrolling through pages and pages of time and work I’ve put into this blog, I don’t know if I can do it. Yes, this blog hasn’t turned out anything like I imagined it would. Yes, it has been awfully neglected the last few months (or year, oops). But I have poured so much of myself into it.
So maybe I’ll just rebrand. Maybe.
On another note, we have been informed that our home study is finished and has been approved! We have actually gotten two calls for placements in the 3 days that it’s been since we were approved. We accepted the first placement and have turned down the second. I think we’re going to see how it is parenting one child before accepting a second, though our house is licensed to be able to have two children.
So exciting. And so nerve wracking. I have been an anxious mess. I hate not being able to prepare. I am like, the queen of being prepared and organized.
We have the room all set up and toys all gathered. And I may have ordered 20+ children’s/middle grade books this weekend.. oops! But we don’t have clothes or anything personal. I know, we can’t really do that until we meet/get the child…. but I want to! I want to go shopping and spoil him.
I will post a little more later on when I figure out what I’m doing brand-wise here. My domain name expires on March 16. To renew or not to renew, that is the ever-present question.
Hi guys! Long time no talk! I thought I’d pop in to give you a quick little update on what’s going on in my world.
First, I have decided to do a Whole30 challenge (again). Back in November 2014, I failed miserably at it. But, I don’t want that looming over me this time. I’m more prepared, more aware of what is going to happen to my body, and even more disgusted with how I’ve been feeling. I might write more posts on my journey with this – I’m undecided at this time.
Second, we just finished our home study to be foster parents! So. Exciting. Anyway, I haven’t decided if I wanna do a series on foster care or not. We’ll see.
Third, my domain name lease is up next month. I don’t think I’m going to renew it. As I’m sure you’re aware, this blog has been lacking A LOT in the last year. I’m not feeling very determined to post or anything. It feels more like a hassle to me than something I enjoy.
With that, I’ve been thinking a lot about rebranding and changing up what content my blog houses. This blog was intended to share recipes and foodie-things. The busier our household gets, the less time I have to write recipes/test/actually cook. My meal plans and meals have gotten simpler. My interests are changing.
And I have been feeling crappy about that. I don’t want to just abandon ship. I think a little thinking, rebranding, and reshaping is what I need. But it’ll be a slow process.
So look out for that in the coming months. And be aware that the (dot)com will be leaving my URL next month 😦
Happy short week! 🙂 Thank goodness for a three day week this week. I don’t think I’d survive a full week. I am so exhausted.
This week’s meal plan is simple, simple, simple. Lately, they’ve all been really simple. But this is about as simple as it can get. Three crockpot meals, thanksgiving, then lots of leftovers.
Sunday- Steak and black bean salad Monday- French onion chicken over pasta and black bean salad Tuesday- Meatballs and pasta Wednesday- BBQ ranch chicken Thursday- Thanksgiving Friday- Leftovers (probably open faced turkey sandwiches 🙂 ) Saturday- Mac & cheese with chicken and broccoli
Yesterday, I took the steak out of the freezer and it looked a little funny to me. It was a little brown. I brushed it off as being freezer burn (even though it was vacuum sealed and only in the freezer for a week).
When we went to make dinner, we opened the package and it smelled bad. Ugh. I feel like we are the worst steak handlers. This has happened to us before and I don’t really know why. Has this happened to anyone else? How do you store your steak so it doesn’t go bad?
I ended up running to the store to grab more steak, completely the opposite of what I wanted to be doing. Oh well, that’s life I guess.
Currently, I’m trying to use up some overripe bananas by making this banana oat muffin recipe. We’ll see how it comes out. The recipe calls for whole wheat flour but all I have is all-purpose.
I’m rambling now. I hope to get better at these meal plan posts. Let me know if you’d like to see a post on how I meal plan!
Happy Sunday! We’re one day closer to Thanksgiving! 🙂 (I’m suuuuuuuper excited for it.. Kait, not so much.)
We’re hosting Thanksgiving at our house this year. Since I was little, it has always been my dream to be able to cook the Thanksgiving meal. Dreams do come true, kids!
I thought I’d share with you my meal plan for the upcoming week. Since we only really grocery shop once a month, I typically meal plan a month in advance.
Most of the weeknight meals are crockpot meals. With it getting darker earlier, I find myself not wanting to cook when I get home from work. I’ve taken to my crockpot to do the work for me in these cases.
Sunday- Chicken parm with asparagus and stuffing
Monday- Turkey chili with rice
Tuesday- Leftover chili with rice
Wednesday- BBQ chicken sandwiches
Thursday- Italian marinated chicken breast
Friday- Sweet & sour chicken with pineapple
Saturday- Eating out
Wednesday’s and Thursday’s dinners are the only crockpot dinners this week. And as you can see, we eat a lottttttt of chicken. It’s simple and cheap!
I try to schedule in days that we will go out to eat so that we’re less likely to deviate from the meal plan. And it gives us something to look forward to! It doesn’t always work out though. Oh well.
Also, the meal plan is not set in stone. I think that’s gotta be Kait’s mantra. Sometimes I get so stuck on “ugh we’re having this or that tonight and I don’t feel like it.” It’s really just a guideline to stay on track with meals.
Along with our dinner meal plan, I like to have a rough idea of some breakfast and lunches we’ll have during the week. I take Sunday nights (right before dinner) to prep these for the week.
This week, breakfasts will be yogurt and granola or overnight oats. Lunches are ham sandwiches, potato salad, energy bites, and a piece of fruit or crackers.
A tip if you prep your sandwiches a week in advance: put the condiment between the meat and the cheese so it doesn’t touch the bread. With the condiment never touching my bread, I find that my bread doesn’t get soggy on me. Also, we toast all the bread for our sandwiches because we keep our bread frozen. It helps keep the bread firmer in the fridge as well.
Do you meal plan? What helps you the most when planning your meals for the week?
I’ve got kind of a personal topic to discuss today. Not that I haven’t had some personal conversations before, but this is something I haven’t really talked about with anyone yet.
I’ve been having a really hard time the last couple months and I’m reaching out for some advice/help/words of encouragement.
Let’s start with some background info:
My entire life I have struggled with depression and anxiety. I have had low self esteem as long as I can remember. In school, I hid it by being mean and giving off an arrogant persona. One thing I never struggled with, though, was my weight and body type. Until now.
At my high school graduation
I graduated high school weighing 120 pounds. Some say that was “too skinny” for me, but I was content, eating enough, and my BMI didn’t classify me as underweight. When I started college, I gained about 30 pounds. It was tough but I still didn’t have any body image issues. One hundred fifty pounds still looked good on me.
At that time, I was working in a supermarket. I was on my feet 8+ hours a day, running around, lifting and pushing heavy items, and really didn’t stop moving until the end of my shift. I still ate well, not the “healthiest,” but well. I managed to stay at about 145-150 pounds.
When I moved on from retail and got a desk job, that’s where things went downhill. I gained weight so rapidly. In less than a year, I have gained about 30 pounds. I am at my highest weight ever: 175 pounds. I get mixed comments from people. Some tell me I still look good – I look “healthy.” Others comment on how I’ve got a little more of a tummy than I used to and that I don’t eat healthy enough; that my recipes are all very fattening and it’s showing.
Like I said, I have never struggled with a weight/body image issue before. It is so difficult. I look in the mirror and all I see is the double chin, the “muffin top,” the stretch marks on my ever growing thighs. And I don’t know how to deal with it.
I have days where I wanna eat healthy all the time and exercise and make strides losing weight. I have other days where I crave junk food, eat all the junk food I can get my hands on, and then feel like utter shit about it. Not even that I physically feel crappy but that I emotionally feel like I am letting myself down.
I have gone back and forth so many times about feeling okay with my weight and beating myself to tears about it. I don’t feel like I eat unhealthy. I eat breakfast (usually oatmeal, avo-toast, or hard boiled eggs), lunch (sandwiches, salad, leftovers), and dinner (varies – but you’ve seen what I eat for dinner if you’ve ever taken a look at my Instagram) daily. I don’t skip meals. And I snack often. A lot of times my snacks are the “unhealthy” options (I can’t pass up Doritos for the life of me!).
So, how come it’s so difficult for me to choose “healthy” options? Or to stick by the 80/20 rule? Or do I actually stick by that but am just overly hard on myself? UGH.
The biggest problem (well, okay, there’s two), is a) my self esteem is shit; and b) I’m an all-or-nothing kind of person. Either I eat “healthy” 110% of the time and never slip up and feel totally awesome all the time and workout or I don’t. I don’t know how to give myself the leeway to slip up or have a “junk food” item sometimes.
I can’t calorie count. I tried that. It’s way more emotional stress than I can handle. It makes me anxious and sends me into a self-destructive state of mind.
I used to love grocery shopping. Now, I go into the store and all I see is added sugar everywhere. Do I think Americans have a sugar problem? Absolutely. But I eat half a candy bar and I hate myself. I have a flavored yogurt (which is loooooaded with freaking sugar) and make myself feel like shit. But that doesn’t stop me from continuing to do it. And the cycle continues the more I do it.
I’ve read lots of articles on the Whole30 (my failed attempt can be read about here) and veganism and all those kinds of lifestyles. I’ve toyed with the idea of them. But I can’t. I can’t restrict myself and feel good about it. People talk about how when they cut out this or that or this other thing that they feel the best they have ever felt – emotionally and physically. I long for that. For peace with both aspects of my life. But I don’t know how to get there.
When people say that cutting out sugar or something gives them more energy/healthy feelings/etc, I wonder what they felt like before. I’ve thought that I would feel better if I stopped eating fast food (although that’s true..), stopped eating candy, stopped eating dairy. But with little bouts of trialing these, I don’t feel any different physically. I don’t feel any physical euphoria. I feel overwhelmed with tough, self-destructive feelings.
That’s something I have struggled with the most, I think. I want to feel “better.” I want to feel “healthy.” I want to have more energy. But what if I am currently at my peak for all of these things. How do I know if I’m at my peak? How do I know what I’m eating is the problem? I don’t.
The unknown scares me. I think you might have noticed that by now. But, really, who doesn’t it scare?
I need help. I don’t know what kind of help in particular, just help. I wanna feel good physically and emotionally. I’m not there today. I feel bloated (thanks, PMS) and a little irritable and have a headache. And I’m trying so hard not to blame the piece of cake I ate last night or the chinese food on these things.
The amount I eat out has significantly decreased in the last few months. I meal plan for a month at a time, and have gotten so much better at following it. I have started prepping lunches on Sunday nights again, so there’s no reason to head over to the cafeteria for some chicken nuggets and fries. We have so many veggies in our house that we could eat nothing but veggies for a whole month and be alright. And I have the most supportive girlfriend on the planet.
The saddest part is that that paragraph took me three whole days to write. I had to think hard about what I am doing right in my life. About what food choices I am making that are good. I got so consumed with what choices I am making wrong.
The one thing I have loved about food, though, is it’s ability to comfort me. It makes me happy. Cooking makes me happy. New recipes makes me happy. New combinations make me happy. So why am I letting it make me so sad lately? Why?
I know there are things I need to work on: the emotions that come with eating, exercising a little more. Like I said, I am an all-or-nothing kind of person. I need to feel very content with how I’m eating and need to exercise hard core or I don’t feel good about it. And I know, in the back of my mind, that’s not true. I don’t need to eat 100% all the time. I don’t need to workout everyday. My workouts don’t have to be hardcore cardio and weights and pilates in order for them to be effective. I need to remind myself that.
I can have a piece of cake. I can have a piece two nights in a row. I can eat that serving of doritos. And exercise should be what feels good. Yoga feels good. Stretching feels good. Sometimes running feels good. Sometimes weights feel good.
And self care feels good. Baths feel good. Watching youtube feels good. Making cinnamon buns feels good. Making breakfast on the weekend feels good.
Me, this past week
I need to remind myself these things. I need to give myself a break. I need to find a permanent way to keep these things in mind.
Thank you if you have read all this. It feels good to get it out. And I’m sure someone can relate. I know I’m not alone, although I feel very alone in this.
If you have any negative thoughts on this post, please take them elsewhere. I appreciate the comments I get and how support and understanding my readers are. I have enough negative thoughts and energy on my own, I don’t need it coming from more people than it already does.
There’s something to be said for spending a whole day in the kitchen, slowly cooking the most delicate and delicious meal. I love it. It relaxes me.
But sometimes (okay, more like five days out of every week), I want something simple, quick, and delicious. I mean, who doesn’t? Rachael Ray got wildly popular because she perfected the 30-minute meal. Perfect time frame, good ingredients, perfect for busy people (aka, Americans).
My go-to “I-don’t-want-to-cook-but-I’m-too-broke-for-takeout” meal is quiche. So so simple. So so quick. And almost impossible to screw up. Hell, if it comes out and it’s too bland, put a little ketchup on it and it’s instantly better. That’s my motto, anyway.
Luckily, I have yet to make a bland quiche. I’ve done many, many different combinations of ingredients in my quiche. I mostly just use whatever is in my fridge that needs to get used up soon. Kitchen sink quiche, ha!
I start with a pre-made pie crust that I let defrost in my fridge overnight. If you just bought a crust from the store, no need to defrost. I set the one crust out on my counter to warm up while I make the quiche. Best part is – one box of pie crust makes two quiche! Freeze the other one for a later time.
I chop up any veggies I have that I want to use. Usually it’s broccoli. This summer it was a lot of tomatoes. Prepping all the ingredients makes it that much quicker when I assemble the pie.
I lay out my crust in a pie pan that has been sprayed with some EVOO spray so it isn’t a stuck mess. Been there, done that way too many times.
I put all my veggies (or ham, or bacon, or chicken, or sausage – you get the point, right?) into the pie crusted pan.
I scramble my eggs with some chicken stock, salt and pepper, and whatever seasonings I’m feeling. Most people use milk to scramble their eggs, which is fine, but for a lactose free or lightly lactose pie, chicken stock works beautifully. Here is where I add in any cheese that I want in my quiche. I always put parmesan-romano in it. Always. Mozzarella is nice too.
Then, I pour my egg mixture overtop of the veggies in the crust and bake for about 35-40 minutes.
That’s it. That’s really all it takes to make a perfect, delicious quiche. The recipe below is for a tomato-rosemary-brie quiche which was FAB-U-LOUS. But those things can really be substituted for anything.
Some combos I’ve done (and loved):
Tomato-rosemary-brie
Bacon and broccoli
Ham-broccoli-muenster
Homemade sausage-caramelized onions-peppers
Broccoli and cheddar
Endless possibilities I tell ya! 🙂
This recipe below is an image, so just right click and save it or print it!
Let me know what kind of combinations your love in your quiche!
@heart 